It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:
VIT: You know, you shouldn’t be sleeping on your side. It’s really bad for your breasts.
Me: My breasts?
VIT: Yeah, and your eyelashes.
Me: My breasts and my eyelashes?
VIT: Yeah. It gives you sagging breasts and breaks your eyelashes.
VIT: You know you really shouldn’t be sleeping on your belly…
VIT: …bad for the spine.
VIT: …and it gives you wrinkles. And it could kill you!
VIT: You know, sleeping on your back always makes you snore.
VIT: …and then you wake yourself up with your snoring and you have that crusty, dry throat.
Me: What the hell do you want me to do?!
VIT: Let’s watch Lord of the Rings!