It’s Really Bad for Your Breasts

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: You know, you shouldn’t be sleeping on your side. It’s really bad for your breasts.

Me: My breasts?

VIT: Yeah, and your eyelashes.

Me: My breasts and my eyelashes?

VIT: Yeah. It gives you sagging breasts and breaks your eyelashes.

Me: Fine.

VIT: ……

VIT: You know you really shouldn’t be sleeping on your belly…

VIT: …bad for the spine.

Me: Shhh!

VIT: …and it gives you wrinkles. And it could kill you!

Me: Fine!

VIT: ……

VIT: ……

VIT: You know, sleeping on your back always makes you snore.

VIT: …and then you wake yourself up with your snoring and you have that crusty, dry throat.

Me: What the hell do you want me to do?!

VIT: Let’s watch Lord of the Rings!


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36 thoughts on “It’s Really Bad for Your Breasts

  1. enniyaya

    Haha when I was a kid I would sleep all over the place, kicking and punching the poor souls who would be unfortunate to lay beside me (my mum and sis). Now I start on one side to face away from whoever’s next to me and end up rigidly on my back until morning, which I like. My other sleeping patterns… are a whole other story…
    I hope you got to actually sleep instead of binging on LOTR!

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. theparentallychallenged

    LOL! Problem solved! Isn’t crazy the thoughts that come to us when we are trying to fall asleep. This is the exact moment that I remember all of the things I forgot I was supposed to do that day.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I thought about you in the middle of the night last night. Not like that. I woke up at 2:30 and, despite my constant protest, VITs of my own invaded. You know, the all-important “did I lock all the doors?”, “did I set the coffee?”, “what 80’s costume will I get for the New Year’s Party?” and “is sleeping on my side bad for my breasts?”

    Well, I didn’t actually ask ALL of those questions. But the ones I did ask kept coming back around to each other, like a bad Groundhog’s Night script, and I imagined a cutesy, pinkish brain with eyes laying next to me, prompting me on.

    I wondered, almost aloud, if this then made me “Insomnia Boy.”

    Eventually, around 4:30, I faded back to sleep for another hour, and then got up to pen a bad blog (which I erased), and splashed some water in my face. My eyelashes were perfect.

    Thanks for adding humor to my sleepless-ish night, kiddo, without even trying. 😉

    I need a mid-day nap… 😴

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Pingback: It’s Really Bad for Your Breasts – The Militant Negro™

  6. HA! Dude, I seriously love these posts. Makes me laugh and not feel like such a weirdo because of the things I think about while trying to go to sleep! I am slightly pissed off though that I NEVER get a notification that you posted something. Like wtf is the deal?! Just going to have to add stalking you to my list of daily tasks. A girl has to do what a girls gotta do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You know, your VIT and I have somthing in common……………..not the sleep part……………I could be suspended by my big toe and still I’d snore. What we have in common is a desire to watch the greatest trilogy in the history of trilogies. LOL! I haven’t watched them in about three years…………….I’d say it was about time. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Tell VIT because of her I didn’t get to sleep until well past midnight. My VIT was talking all about yours eventhough I told him I read the same posts. Still didn’t work. My VIT has ADHD and if I would interrupt him he would have to start over from the beginning.

    Liked by 1 person

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