It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:
VIT: Do you think the actor who plays Ronald McDonald gets paid really well?
Me: Who cares?
VIT: Like, is that his only job or do you think he is a mechanic who is also Ronald McDonald?
Me: He probably does other jobs too.
VIT: That would be a really weird side hustle.
VIT: Maybe he works at McDonald’s as a fry guy and they sometimes just make him be Ronald McDonald.
Me: Please go to sleep.
VIT: I wonder if he has any celebrity connections. Like, could he get a table at a fancy restaurant? Maybe he tries to wield his celebrity status and is all ‘Don’t you know who I am?” But he isn’t wearing his clown costume so people are like, “No.” And he’s like, “I’m Ronald fucking McDonald!”
VIT: Hey, can you turn on the night light?
VIT: …I’m afraid of clowns