I Have a Great Idea for a Movie Script

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: I have this great idea for a movie script!

ME: That’s nice, we can write it in the morning.

VIT: I know that sometimes in the past, I have made things seem super important and like they needed to be dealt with immediately…

ME: Shhh. Sleep, sleep.

VIT: …and it turned out I just wanted to get you out of bed to make me a toaster struedel, but I am serious right now, this is important, please write it down, this is the best idea ever!

ME: ……

VIT: Please.

ME: Fine. What?!

VIT: Ok, this couple in the 1800s has a bunch of unmarried daughters and they aren’t doing so well financially and one of the daughters falls in love with a rich guy and the other daughter also falls in love with a rich guy, but they have a bunch of miscommunications because he is super arrogant and she is super biased…

ME: That is literally the plot to Pride and Prejudice.

VIT: … oh yea.

ME: Unbelievable.

VIT: Sorry….

ME: ……

VIT: Can I make it up to you with a nice hot toaster struedel?


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

Humans Don’t Live Long Enough

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: Humans don’t live long enough.

Me: Yeah. I agree.

VIT: Why don’t you think humans live long enough?

Me: Because there is so much to overcome, and so much to experience, and the pain and beauty in the…

VIT: Eyeliner.

Me: You just interrupte…

VIT: It’s taken me like 3 decades to get my eyeliner on straight.

Me: Here we go…

VIT: So if it takes me 3 decades to get a straight line of black ink onto my eyelid, I need to live to like 500 if I am expected to get any other shit done.

Me: That’s very deep. Well done.

VIT: …… That’s what she said.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

Remember That Time You Went to Victoria’s Secret?

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: Remember that time you went to Victoria’s Secret and the sales girl said that someone who had as much “considerable saggage” as you should look into the Body by Victoria line?

ME: Yes.

VIT … and you were wearing a Body by Victoria bra at the time?

ME: Yeah.

VIT: Let’s kill her.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

Do You Think People Actually Like Kombucha?

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: Do you think people actually like kombucha, or they just pretend to like it?

Me: Why would someone pretend to like kombucha?

VIT: Oh I don’t know, maybe for the same reason someone would pretend to like John Steinbeck.

Me: John Steinbeck is an amazing writer.

VIT: One that you pretend to enjoy.

Me: I do enjoy John Steinbeck!

VIT: Incorrect.

VIT: No one likes John Steinbeck

Me: I love John Steinbeck.

VIT: I think I have made my point.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

I Have Several Questions about Worms

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: I have several questions about worms.

Me: ……

VIT: I have several questions about worms.

Me: ………

VIT: Hey!

Me: What are your questions about worms?

VIT: Do worms have sex?

VIT: Do they give birth or lay eggs?

VIT: If they lay eggs, how many worms hatch out of a single egg?

VIT: I know that if you cut a worm in half it makes two separate worms; can the two sides of the cut-up worm have sex with each other?

VIT: Would both sides of the same cut up worm get pregnant or lay eggs?

Me: I don’t know the answer to any of that.

VIT:

VIT: ……

VIT: ………

VIT: I have several questions about cheese.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

You Know Those Things You Should Remember?

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: You know those things that you should remember, because they make it seem really important, but then you forget them instantly?

Me: Go to sleep.

VIT: Like all the triangles.

Me: The triangles?

VIT: Yeah, there’s a shit ton of triangles.

Me: Fine.

VIT: Like acute.

VIT: And scalene.

Me: Please stop naming triangles.

VIT: … and isosceles.

Me: Shut. Up.

VIT: ……

VIT: Isosceles would be a really great name for a boy.

Me: …… Ok, yes, it would.

VIT: Isosceles Shelley

VIT: …….

VIT: ……….

VIT: Let’s have a baby!


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

So You’re Taking a Nap, Huh?

It’s 2:00 p.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: So, uhhh, you’re taking a nap, huh?

Me: Yep.

VIT: That’s good. I’m glad you can take a nap when there’s that thing you have to do.

Me: Thing?

VIT: Well, things.

Me: What things?

VIT: No, no. Don’t you worry about it. You are sleeping.

Me: Ok.

VIT: In the middle of the day.

VIT: ….

VIT: ….. A weekday.

Me: ……

VIT: …… It’s a good thing. Self care, relaxation, the ultimate downfall of your entire day… Please, continue your selfishness.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

When Was Peanut Butter Invented?

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: When was peanut butter invented?

Me: I don’t know… the 1850s?

VIT: Wow. That’s really sad.

VIT: What was even the point of living before peanut butter?

Me: Maybe the 1890s…

VIT: That’s even worse!

VIT: That’s like, 100 million years of no. peanut. butter.

Me: Humans have not been around that long.

VIT: How long have they been around?

Me: Like, 5 million years.

VIT: ……

VIT: That’s still way too long to go without peanut butter.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!