It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:
Me: I’m in a calming meadow…
VIT: What are you doing? I don’t like this…
Me: There is a waterfall and softly chirping birds…
VIT: STOP IT.
Me: I feel at peace and listen only to the sounds of my breathing.
Me: and ouuuuuuttttt.
Me: Innnnnnn and…
Me: What the hell was that?
VIT: A bird.
Me: There are no birds! …And ouuuutttt
VIT: You said there were chirping birds.
Me: No I didn’t. There’s just the sound of the waterfall…
VIT: Pretty sure you said there were birds.
Me: Fine, but they aren’t fucking sqwuacking, they’re softly tweeting.
VIT: You know who else is softly tweeting?
VIT: Donald Trump.
Me: …and ouuuuutttt.
VIT: I bet you are going to have a sex dream about him.
Me: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!
VIT: DON’T EVER TRY TO MEDITATE ME AGAIN, BITCH!
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