You Know Those Things You Should Remember?

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: You know those things that you should remember, because they make it seem really important, but then you forget them instantly?

Me: Go to sleep.

VIT: Like all the triangles.

Me: The triangles?

VIT: Yeah, there’s a shit ton of triangles.

Me: Fine.

VIT: Like acute.

VIT: And scalene.

Me: Please stop naming triangles.

VIT: … and isosceles.

Me: Shut. Up.

VIT: ……

VIT: Isosceles would be a really great name for a boy.

Me: …… Ok, yes, it would.

VIT: Isosceles Shelley

VIT: …….

VIT: ……….

VIT: Let’s have a baby!


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

So You’re Taking a Nap, Huh?

It’s 2:00 p.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: So, uhhh, you’re taking a nap, huh?

Me: Yep.

VIT: That’s good. I’m glad you can take a nap when there’s that thing you have to do.

Me: Thing?

VIT: Well, things.

Me: What things?

VIT: No, no. Don’t you worry about it. You are sleeping.

Me: Ok.

VIT: In the middle of the day.

VIT: ….

VIT: ….. A weekday.

Me: ……

VIT: …… It’s a good thing. Self care, relaxation, the ultimate downfall of your entire day… Please, continue your selfishness.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

When Was Peanut Butter Invented?

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: When was peanut butter invented?

Me: I don’t know… the 1850s?

VIT: Wow. That’s really sad.

VIT: What was even the point of living before peanut butter?

Me: Maybe the 1890s…

VIT: That’s even worse!

VIT: That’s like, 100 million years of no. peanut. butter.

Me: Humans have not been around that long.

VIT: How long have they been around?

Me: Like, 5 million years.

VIT: ……

VIT: That’s still way too long to go without peanut butter.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

Did You Hear That?

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: Did you hear that?

Me: I don’t hear anything.

VIT: Keith is snoring!

VIT: Oh!

VIT: My!

VIT: GOD!

VIT: Make it stop!

Me: Keith, roll over.

Keith: 😴

VIT: That did not work.

VIT: ……

VIT: at all…

VIT:

VIT: Shake the shit out of him!

Me: Fine!

Keith: 😴

VIT: Oh my god!!! It’s so loud!

Me: Just ignore it.

VIT: Ahhhhhhhhhh!

VIT: KILL HIM!

Me: I can’t kill him!

VIT: Why not?!

Me: BECAUSE HE PAYS THE BILLS!

VIT: THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE LIFE INSURANCE!


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

You’re Laying on Something

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: You’re laying on something.

Me: I’m not laying on anything. Go to sleep.

VIT: Yes you are.

VIT: You can’t feel that?

Me: Ok, yes, ugh, what the hell am I laying on?

VIT: Oh….

Me: What?

VIT: …It’s your back fat.

Me: WHAT?!

VIT: Yeah, you’re laying on your own back fat.

Me: I’M NOT LAYING ON MY OWN BACK FAT!

VIT: Mmmm, I’m afraid so.

Me: Fucking fuck.

Me:

Me: ……!!

Me: ………!!!

Me: Oh God, it’s just the sheet. It’s all balled up!

VIT: Likely story…

Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!

Could You Please Not Sleep with Your Feet off the Bed

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: Could you please not sleep with your feet off the bed?

Me: I’m hot.

VIT: … and what, the air is colder off the bed?

Me: Yes.

VIT: Just bring them back in.

Me: Why?

VIT: I don’t want to say…

Me: Jesus.

VIT: It’s just an unwholesome thing to do.

Me: Go to sleep.

VIT: ……

VIT: …… It’s Chucky.

Me: Chucky?

VIT: Yeah.

Me: Chucky? The killer doll from the 80’s movies?

VIT: That’s correct. He may be under the bed.

Me: ……

Me: ………

Me: … Yeah, alright.


Want to support Insomnia Girl? Share this post on Facebook!