I’m Pretty Sure You Left the Stove On

It’s 2:00 a.m. These are the very important thoughts (VIT) keeping me awake:

VIT: I’m pretty sure you left the stove on.

Me: No I didn’t.

VIT: Mmmm, yeah, pretty sure you did.

Me: Go to sleep.

VIT: In this death trap of a house?

Me: It’s not a death trap.

VIT: Just go check.

Me: No.

VIT: …are you really willing to bet your life on not having turned off the stove?

Me: Yes.

VIT: You always leave things on. Remember the curling iron?

VIT: And the car that one time?

Me: ……

VIT: Are you willing to bet your husband’s life? He’s in the house too.

Me: Yes.


Me: Listen! I didn’t use the fucking stove today. We had lunch at the restaurant and we had dinner at Katie’s house and we had cereal for breakfast and yesterday we were out of town. So if the house was going to burn down, it would have been during the four days we weren’t here, but it didn’t because it’s NOT ON. OK?

VIT: ……

VIT: Yea, I’m still going to need you to check it…

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